The darkest hour

 

I have, apparently, an under-active thyroid.

It’s one of those things that is very common as we get older, and after having children, and since I know my hormones are completely psychotic and running around like wild toddlers after eating one of those huge, pound sized Hershey’s bars that my father used to get a giant case of at the gas station before I came home for the summer, it’s not surprising.

What IS surprising to me, is how often it goes undiagnosed.

My father also bought those tiny glass bottles of coke. I loved those. Not because I liked the soda, particularly, but because the bottles were so cute and came in the pale green trays. I spent a good portion of my summer in the cool basement, snooping around my father’s desk, looking at his silver railroad tie, looking through those old musty books in the bookcase (that basement, book smell!) and sneaking pieces of frozen chocolate out of the old 1950’s freezer that we kept in the corner. Or at least that’s what I did down in the basement before my step-monster told me I was too fat and brought in a”beautiful thin girl” to give me private ballet lessons in an effort to cut down on the pudge.

Anita. That was her name. My step monster, not “beautiful thin ballet teacher girl”. She was somewhere over 60, bleached blond, permed hair, a perfect size 6 (and I know because she told me ALL the time), and incredibly elegant, except that she…wasn’t. It was fake, just like everything about her. She put on airs, so to speak, and it always pissed me off that she dissed me and my brothers and sister for being…I don’t know, for being US? And not her own perfect children? Whatever she had against us, it was obvious to me that she was a fake, a phoney. A bleached blond critic in a perfect Lord and Taylor wrapper, driving a white, convertible corvette at 25 miles an hour.

We used to watch Benny Hill, the three of us. Me, my father and Anita. Benny Hill. When I was 10. And she would sit and laugh at all the naked women running around on the tv screen and say in her affected voice, “Oh Tom, aren’t they beautiful!” Is it any wonder I am fucked up about body image?

ANYWAY, I digress. And I digress because I now take thyroid medication first thing in the morning. And that medicine requires a full HOUR after ingesting before you can eat. OR DRINK COFFEE. AN HOUR!

This is, the longest, darkest hour of my day.

It’s also why these posts come out all stream of consciousness and crazy because I am not actually awake while I write them. My eyes are literally shut as I am typing.

Back to the thyroid. I was symptomatic (cold, hair falling out, dry skin, a cruel inability to lose weight despite all the workouts) but my TSH numbers were fine. Oh, they were in the HIGH end of “normal” but still within what endocrinologists consider a normal range. Fortunately, I had a doctor who saw past these numbers and gave me thyroid meds and I felt better. And now I have an integrative physician (and I HIGHLY recommend finding one of those) who looked even deeper into the cause of my malaise, and switched me to a natural dessicated thyroid  and added Iodine (because it is necessary for thyroid transport) and a bunch of other vitamins and natural remedies to help balance out the screaming, chocolate eating toddler hormones that take over my body. I feel fantastic for the first time since having Dear St. Genevieve.

If you want to read another article about thyroid levels in plain undoctorated English, try this:

http://thyroid.about.com/cs/hypothyroidism/a/normaltsh.htm

It was too much for me to try to explain thyroid function to you this early in the morning, so I am linking you to someone elses’ hard work. She probably had coffee before she wrote it.

If you are feeling sluggish, lousy, can’t lose the weight, having hair loss or dry skin (and these are just a few of the symptoms) check out your thyroid. That poor overworked little guy might need some help.

OH MY GOD IT’S 7:30! HOORAY!!!!!!!! See ya later, divas. I have a date with my Keurig!

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DISCLAIMER: I am neither a doctor, nor do I play one on tv. Just someone who has worked very hard to heal herself and not by solely depending on the pharmaceutical industry.