Mid Life Crisis, the Musical.

That would be a really funny title for a blog post, if it were not actually a real musical. Much like Menopause the Musical, I balked when they asked me to audition for it a few years back. Seriously? A. Subject matter, B. Not there yet, C. Subject matter, D. God keep me from any show that has “The Musical” after the title. I mean, because generally, if they’ve got to tell you it’s a musical, it’s not gonna be any good.

Hitler, the Musical.

Moby Dick, the Musical (it’s a Whale of a Tail!) … (yes, I spelled tail that way on purpose)

Bible! the Musical.

See? It just takes away credulity.

Anyway, I digress. How unlike me.

My point was, I have decided that I am going through a full blown midlife crisis. I know, mid-life is a relative term. I mean how do we know when we are going to die and therefore what exactly is our MID-age? And is an actresses’ mid life crisis earlier than a normal woman’s mid life because we are so typed by the roles we can play and god knows you can’t be a love interest after 30 in this business?

I auditioned, a few years back for a show…I have no idea what it was now. I obviously didn’t get the part because I can’t remember…although…with my brain fogginess of late, it is entirely possible I WAS in that show and just can’t remember. Anyway, the casting breakdown for the lead character was for a man in his late 20’s and his father and mother. Now, the breakdown, for the parents of a late 20’s guy read “Father, late 40’s to 50’s. Mother, 30-35.” Do we see a disparity here? Ok, you want Dad to have had his son when he was 20 to 30. But MOM has to give birth when she is 5-10. Because GOD FORBID WE SEE A WOMAN OVER 35!

It pissed me off. Now that I’m thinking about it, I think I was so pissed off, I didn’t even go to the audition. Or maybe I did, who the hell knows.

But, back to the mid life crisis. I told my lovely friend Cheri that the only thing that would help me was a convertible, or a pool boy and she wisely suggested: “Or a convertible poolboy”. SO. Raoul…are you convertible? Because I’m hurtin’ here.

The interesting thing, however, is I am having a complete creativity resurgence. I’m doing this blog, which for some strange reason I love, I’m writing music again, have 3 ideas for 3 cds I want to record, am learning how to play guitar…AGAIN…maybe this time it will stick. I mean, it’s been really FUN being creative again, though the fact that I am sometimes immobilized by fear and doubt and frustration, kind of dampens the whole effect.

What exactly IS a mid life crisis? Well, you can find anything on the internet, particularly pictures of people doing inappropriate things with horses and thank you very much Eric Parker for sharing THAT with me 10 years ago because it has obviously been burned permanently into my brain and I will never forgive you.

SO here’s what Wikipedia has to say:

Midlife crisis is a term coined in 1965 by Elliott Jaques and used in Western societies to describe a period of dramatic self-doubt that is felt by some individuals in the “middle years” or middle age of life, as a result of sensing the passing of their own youth and the imminence of their old age. Sometimes, a crisis can be triggered by transitions experienced in these years, such as extramarital affairs, the death of parents or other causes of grief, unemployment or underemployment, realizing that a job or career is hated but not knowing how else to earn an equivalent living, or children leaving home. The result may be a desire to make significant changes in core aspects of day-to-day life or situation, such as in career, work-life balance, marriage, romantic relationships, big-ticket expenditures, or physical appearance.

Check, check, check.

Except for the extramarital thing. (Pool boy doesn’t count). I mean, if you are in the throes of self doubt and physical deterioration, why would you want anyone to see you naked? I think that must be part of the MALE mid life crisis. I’m sorry. You are not seeing me without my Spanx. Period.

But then there’s Erickson’s stages of psychosocial development: (And no, I am not 45 yet, let’s just make that clear.)

Care: Generativity vs. Stagnation (Middle Adulthood, 45 to 65 years)

• Main Question: “Will I produce something of real value?”

Generativity is the concern of establishing and guiding the next generation. Socially-valued work and disciplines are expressions of generativity.

During middle age the primary developmental task is one of contributing to society and helping to guide future generations. When a person makes a contribution during this period, perhaps by raising a family or working toward the betterment of society, a sense of generativity- a sense of productivity and accomplishment- results. In contrast, a person who is self-centered and unable or unwilling to help society move forward develops a feeling of stagnation- a dissatisfaction with the relative lack of productivity.

Central tasks of Middle Adulthood

• Express love through more than sexual contacts.
• Maintain healthy life patterns…
• Develop a sense of unity with mate.
• Help growing and grown children to be responsible adults.
• Relinquish central role in lives of grown children.
• Accept children’s mates and friends.
• Create a comfortable home.
• Be proud of accomplishments of self and mate/spouse.
• Reverse roles with aging parents.
• Achieve mature, civic and social responsibility.
• Adjust to physical changes of middle age.
• Use leisure time creatively.
• Love for mothers

Hmm. Actually, I think I have accomplished most of those middle life tasks. I have forged a strong bond with my mate, made a comfortable home, expressed love with more than sexual contacts. Raoul knows I love him. I’ve hired him and I don’t even HAVE a pool.

Nope. I think I have skipped the middle stage and have gone right on to THIS:

Wisdom: Ego Integrity vs. DESPAIR (Seniors, 65 years onwards)

As we grow older and become senior citizens we tend to slow down our productivity and explore life as a retired person. It is during this time that we contemplate our accomplishments and are able to develop integrity if we see ourselves as leading a successful life. If we see our life as unproductive, or feel that we did not accomplish our life goals, we become dissatisfied with life and develop despair, often leading to depression and hopelessness.

Oh well. I think I’ll go put on my support hose and watch Wheel of Fortune re-runs now. Wake me when my dentures come in the mail.